Eyes of an Angel Page 15

  For a moment I felt Meldor's vibration nearby, then it faded. I had the impression that he had been assisting in this reunion and then withdrew to give us privacy.

  “Mom, you look wonderful,” I gushed. “It's so great to see you.”

  “It's beautiful over here,” she said. “All the pain is gone, and see [she held up her hands], I don't shake anymore.”

  I couldn't take my eyes off hers. Beaming brilliantly back at me, they carried the knowledge and memories of so much of my life. How many times had I looked into those wonderful eyes to see the pain and tears of a hard and unrewarding life? How many times had I fought back my own tears for the deep disappointment I saw in those eyes? Disappointment and frustration at the things that she wanted to give but couldn't. How many times, as a boy, had I been comforted by the warm, unconditional love that shone in those eyes when the rest of the world seemed cruel and unforgiving?

  All of these thoughts and feelings flowed though my mind. For the all-too-few times that I would see happiness in those eyes, I would also see years of sadness and yearning. Now it was different. No longer was there sadness or disappointment. I now saw only happiness and the kind of contentment that could perhaps only be realized by someone who had gone through great tribulation and triumphed.

  Bursting with joy, I wouldn't have traded that moment for all the gold in the world.

  “It's okay,” she said, knowing my thoughts. “It's all part of the learning experience that we chose. It might have seemed pretty hard at the time; sometimes I wanted to quit, but it was worth it.”

  I was puzzled. “You mean you wanted a life like that?”

  “Yes, of course. It wasn't actually so bad, you know. We've been through tougher lifetimes than that. In order for us to get what we need out of it, it's important that we don't remember that we ourselves chose the kind of life we wanted to experience. You and the rest of your brothers and sisters are part of the plan we all put together. That's how it works.”

  “We all put together?” I was confused. “You're saying we all wanted a life like that? You mean we came here knowing what was going to happen and how it was going to turn out?”

  “Well, sort of.” She smiled coyly, a gleam in her eyes. “We don't always know how things will turn out, but we put ourselves into circumstances where there can be a number of possibilities and outcomes. It all depends on the choices we make and how we deal with the situations we put ourselves into. Before I was born, I already knew how I was going to die.”

  “Jeez, Mom, that's kind of spooky,” I said in a serious tone. Almost immediately, the silliness of my statement became glaringly apparent. We both burst into laughter. Here I was, talking to the spirit of my dead mother, proclaiming that what she was telling me was spooky. We giggled about this for some time.

  For several moments we stood with arms entwined, enjoying each other's vibrations and our own memories. This meeting was so completely different than I had ever imagined it might be. I marveled at the remarkable change in my mother. Yes, she was still the same wonderful person I had always known, but it was our relationship that was different. We seemed to be relating to each other like old friends meeting again after a brief separation. It wasn't the same type of mother/son relationship we had experienced in our physical bodies. It was much deeper and older than that. It was like we had known each other for a long, long time.

  Finally, I broke the silence. “You know, it's been amazing. Sometimes I can hardly believe everything that's been happening. My life has changed so much in the last few years.”

  “Yes, I know,” she smiled. “I've been keeping track of you.”

  “You have . . . ? Thank you,” I responded. “I think about you a lot. Sometimes I dream about you.”

  “I know,” she said, her eyes hinting of sadness. “You've been punishing yourself because you thought you could have spent more time with me in those last few years. But you didn't need to worry. I knew how you felt. I knew how it hurt you to see me wither away, and I hurt for you. I still felt your love. You don't need to feel that way anymore.”

  I was now beginning to fight off tears; I didn't want to be crying. I didn't want to be sad. I changed the subject. “So, how does it feel?” I asked.

  “Oh, you mean how does it feel to die? You mean you don't remember? Oh, of course you don't, but you've come close a couple of times, haven't you?

  “It was wonderful! The dying part, that is. The sickness and pain beforehand wasn't so easy, but the actual dying was great. Oh, and I want to thank you for your help when I was finally able to leave. And thank the rest of the kids for their prayers too. It did help a lot. I was really scared. It was kind of strange at the time, because I could hear your voice in my mind. I thought I was dreaming, but I could hear you and some of the other kids. It made me feel better, though, and then Grandpa came and told me I could come with him.”

  Pausing for a moment, she had an idea. “Here's a better way to show you what it was like.”

  A visible stream of mental energy began flowing from her to me, and I became immediately immersed in her reality. I felt her emotions. I saw what she saw. I experienced what she experienced.

  Instantly transported back to her old hospital room, I felt myself and her float to the ceiling. Below me I could see myself sitting beside her bed. I could see her frail withered body, and my sisters and brothers sitting quietly in the hospital room, tears in their eyes. I felt the sympathy and love that she felt. I felt the tug at her spirit as my grandfather's face appeared in her mind. Amazement transformed to elation as I felt myself drawn through a tunnel-like darkness, moving towards a powerful vortex of light.

  At first only a small glow in the distance, the light became brighter as I sped along. Anticipation and yearning consumed me, pulling me along. Then, as waves of energy swept through me, the journey ended and I felt myself bathed in a beautiful golden light. The warmth and love of all consciousness overcame me like a narcotic. Soon, everything began to fade, and in a dizzying, spinning euphoria, I lapsed into a blissful sleep.

  I wasn't sure how long we slept, but my next awareness was of awakening from a peaceful, dream-filled sleep. Through my mother's eyes I awoke to a softly lit, immaculately clean, white hospital room. Around her were a number of loved ones who had passed on before. I recognized the beaming faces of my grandmother and grandfather, my brother-in-law, Albert, and a number of aunts and uncles, all there to welcome my mother home.

  With that final scene, the thought-transference ended, the vibrations subsided, and I was left with a wonderful sense of peace and happiness.

  It took me a few moments to recover. This method of communication—telepathy, thought-transference, or whatever it was—was incredible. Complete in every respect, there was no room for error or interpretation. I experienced what she had experienced. It did, however, leave me puzzled. Why had my mother awakened on the Other Side in a hospital room? I thought everyone was whole and healthy in the spirit realm. There should be no need for hospitals.

  Picking up on my thoughts, Mom explained. “They tell me that if a person has had a long, painful death in an Earth hospital, their spirit energy can also become weak and run-down. Disease in the physical body can also affect the energy body and vice versa. People in that condition can also become very accustomed to their surroundings. It helps make the transition to spirit so much easier if they wake up in a familiar room where they're being cared for. It can also take time for a person to restore their energy after they arrive. A hospital is a comfortable and natural way to do it. There's nothing but love and caring here.”

  While she was explaining these things to me, a remote tug on my awareness began urging me back to my body. I tried to resist the pull. I needed more time. There were still so many questions to ask. I wanted to find out about other lives that we might have lived together, how my brothers and sisters were connected, and how she now spent her time. I was about to ask if she planned on reincarnating when it became apparent that I c
ould no longer fight off the pull to return. Finally, I told her that I had to leave. My body was calling me back. With an understanding smile she reached out to draw me near. I had time for only one last parting thought. “I love you, Mom.”

  A moment later, I was back in my body. My right arm was throbbing. I had rolled over onto it, cutting off the circulation. As I sat up and began rubbing my arm, my eyes were drawn to the wall in front of me. I would never forget the sight of my mother in her brilliant energy form, floating into my life once again.

  Some of the concepts my mother had told me about intrigued me. Do we really lay out a plan for our lives before we take on a physical body? I couldn't imagine that she would have chosen the type of life she had endured for 80 years. For that matter, if I had any choice in the matter, why would I have chosen the circumstances of my childhood? Certainly there must have been any number of easier options. Why wouldn't I have chosen to be born into a rich family? And did this mean that we choose our parents?

  What about the starving, emaciated children we often see on television in some far-off country? Why would they have chosen such terrible existences where they could die of starvation or disease before reaching the age of five?

  The questions were endless, the possibilities mind-boggling. Fortunately, I knew just where to go for the answers. At my first opportunity I would pay Meldor a visit.

  My schedule during those next few weeks was hectic and opportunities for a spiritual adventure were few. The rare times when I did make an attempt to connect usually resulted in my falling asleep within minutes.

  Then, one Saturday morning, it was Meldor who decided to take the initiative. I remember awakening in a dreamy relaxed state. But as I lay in bed, I began to feel a gentle tingling in my forehead. This usually meant that the aperture of my third eye was about to open. Anticipating the usual parade of faces, I was surprised to find myself peering out into the peaceful setting of the Park. On a large boulder sat Meldor, looking for all the world like a canary-swallowing cat. With a twinkle in his eyes, he greeted me.

  “Good morning, sleepy head. Are you ready for today's lesson?”

  He looked so funny I couldn't help but laugh. “Aahh, it's the squirrel guide,” I chorded. “Where have you been?”

  At this, Meldor burst into such an uproarious laugh that he almost rolled off the boulder. “Very funny,” he howled. “Squirrel guide, girl guide. And you do this while you're still half asleep.

  “Hey, Mister,” he roared, “you wanna' buy some cookies?”

  Meldor continued laughing so hard; he appeared to be hyperventilating. Tears streamed down his face.

  As infectious as his mirth may have been, I tried to remain unaffected, looking on with feigned bemusement. “A regular bloody comedian,” I quipped. This, however, only sent him into more spasms. No longer able to hang on to his perch, he rolled off the boulder and fell howling, to his hands and knees where he continued to carry on.

  When he finally began to catch his breath and settle down, Meldor let out a big sigh. “Boy, it's times like these I sure miss having a body. There's nothing quite like laughing until your sides hurt. Thank you for the memory.”

  After a few moments of chuckling, he got down to business. “So, you have some questions, and think I have the answers.”

  “I'm not so sure that there are answers to my questions,” I began, “but I thought if anyone would know, you would.”

  “Well, I don't know if I'll have all the answers, but I'll certainly give it a try.”

  “I want to learn more about how things work in the spirit world,” I continued. “Do we actually decide, before we come here, the type of life we'll have and even how we'll die? Do we choose our own parents? Do we set up our own challenges to overcome? How does it all work?”

  “Aahh, the big question,” Meldor replied. “Yes, I think it's something we can communicate to you.” He sat back down on the rock, pondering where to begin.

  “First, as I have alluded to before, you should know that you and most every other incarnated being already knows most of the answers to these questions. It's not so much a matter of learning about these things as it is a matter of remembering what you already know.

  “Most of us have made the transition from spirit to physical life and back, many, many times. Each time we return, the memory of our origin slowly fades from awareness. By the time a child has reached the age of six, most of the memory of its true spiritual nature has been filtered out by physical consciousness, leaving the imprint only in the subconscious, and the soul. The denseness of the physical body puts a tremendous restriction on the sensory perceptions of the spirit. As a child grows in size and physical awareness, the genetics of the species, with its powerful built-in survival instinct, becomes more and more dominant, leaving a decreasing memory of its true spiritual reality.

  “Our teachers have told us that we all began as part of the one great consciousness. In order to experience diversity and to honor ever-continuing creation, we, as parts of the Creator, agreed to become individuated, and split off from the source. By doing so, The All, which you refer to as God, could experience itself in endless evolving form and reality. Like individual drops of water in the ocean, we are still one, and flow together as part of the whole ocean of consciousness. Therefore, what we experience as individuated beings, seemingly in isolation, is actually also experienced by The All at various levels of understanding and consciousness.

  “God, as you understand it, continues to seek perfection. It is never at rest, but continuously moving, creating, and experiencing through all aspects of its colossal energy. As individuated parts of the Creator's energy, we seek the same perfection that is sought by God; that is to become fully aware, flowing and vibrating together as one unified consciousness. We seek, as a part of God, to bring every individuated aspect, every soul, to the perfect love of God realization.”

  “Meldor,” I interrupted, “you made reference a few moments ago to what your teachers have told you. Are you saying you have teachers?”

  “Oh, most definitely. We all have teachers. There are many, many levels of spiritual vibration and realization. The physical world that you now occupy is among the lowest levels of vibration and consciousness. Because the Earth is of such a dense physical nature, with harsh realities, it is one of the most powerful levels to gain experience and meaningful development. There is tremendous opportunity for growth and advancement in the Earth plane.

  “Each soul or aspect of The All continues always to work toward higher and higher levels of vibration and understanding. As we are in reality all one, it is a natural desire for all souls to want the very best for every other soul. The evolution and advancement of each individuated soul is extremely important to souls in all planes of consciousness. Regardless of the levels of vibration and realization that we have attained individually, we can never be completely happy or content until every aspect of The All has attained the God realization and perfection that we seek.

  “We are our brother's keepers,” Meldor added, “not because we have to be, or because we are told to be, but because we want to be. For this reason, out of pure unconditional love, many advanced souls volunteer to assist others in progressing through levels that they, themselves, have already assimilated. I have enjoyed many teachers and I will have many more.”

  “But, if we were already in the spirit world before we came here,” I asked, “why would we bother to incarnate into a slow and dense physical body?”

  “The greatest opportunity that the physical world offers is the experience of human emotions. It is for these powerful learning tools that most souls choose to incarnate, and return again and again to Earth.”

  “You said most souls choose to incarnate,” I interrupted. “Do you mean there are souls that don't?”

  “Oh, Heavens, yes,” Meldor explained. “Billions upon billions of souls have never incarnated into a physical being as you understand it. Many souls choose to experience and contribute to Th
e All entirely from the spirit form. Every soul has complete freedom to contribute to the well-being of the collective consciousness as it sees fit.”

  “But why would a soul be attracted to experiencing human emotions?”

  “Let me put it this way,” Meldor explained. “In this higher vibration, a spirit, other than vicariously, cannot really experience or understand the many powerful emotions that an incarnate spirit can. Being part of The All, a spirit on this side, who has never been exposed to human or similar incarnations, is not normally able to experience feelings other than the emotion of love. A spirit could not, for example, experience or understand emotions such as pain, hate, fear, jealousy, sexuality, or lust.

  “Knowledge gained from experience is the key. Some of my compatriots argue that to really know and appreciate a complete understanding of love, it may be necessary to experience the opposite of love through emotions like fear and hatred. The challenge and experience of all these powerful emotions can be like a very strong magnet, an almost irresistible drug, to those in spirit. These are very potent and compelling learning tools.

  “But let me get back to your original questions. Through various incarnations, souls develop special friendships and bonds with certain other souls. They quickly learn that with each other's help they can achieve better results, and a more profound learning experience. So, together they agree to return again and again to the Earth environment, learning, evolving, and experiencing. Often they will switch roles in each other's lives. In one life, a soul might play the role of a parent, only to return in the next life as the other's child. Numerous scenarios can be played out time and time again, all for experience and accumulated knowledge. Experience and knowledge are, after all, the only things you can take with you when you leave the physical world.

  “When souls become intricately involved in the numerous rotations of incarnations, the learning can be great. A group or family of souls may become involved in planning out the challenges and general circumstances they hope to experience or overcome in the next lifetime. The lessons and roles they agree to play can be very harsh in the physical realities of Earth. But the soul knows and understands that the experience itself will be like a fleeting dream, the batting of an eyelash in the cosmic reality of nonlinear time.