Eyes of an Angel Read online

  I had no idea what had just happened to me. I was trying not to let it show, but I'm certain the bewilderment must have been clearly visible on my face. I was having trouble thinking, much less speaking.

  When I finally recovered enough to continue, we began, as instructed, to interview each other for our later introductions. Patricia, I learned, had been born and raised in the mountains of Oregon. Throughout her life, even as a child, she had been able to see and hear things that other people couldn't. She had always experienced intuitive flashes, but until she was a teenager, she thought that everyone had the same experiences. She described herself as someone searching for truth. She loved The Monroe Institute, and thought it was a great place to further her search.

  Although virtually mesmerized, I managed to stumble through a quick review of my life and background. Patricia smiled in understanding as she made her notes.

  The nine teams finally began their introductions. It was a fascinating process. At the end of the introduction, each partner was supposed to provide a teaser, an intriguing little insight about their new friend that would impel the rest of the group to want to get to know them too.

  When it came to our turn, Patricia began. She eloquently recounted my background and keen interest in the spirit world. Then she made an astonishing announcement. In a quiet, almost blushing fashion, she said she just knew I was a kind and gentle person with a warm heart, but the most intriguing thing about me, she said, were my eyes.

  With a perplexed look on her face, she said, “He has the most amazing eyes. They're like a painting. You can lose yourself in them. It's as if you're drawn right into his soul.”

  A huge lump quickly formed in my throat; my eyes began to sting.

  It was my turn to speak next. I swallowed hard. Glassy-eyed, I glanced at my notes, trying to pull my thoughts together, hoping that nobody, including Patricia, would notice the emotional turmoil I was in.

  After clearing my throat, I shakily began. I hardly heard my own words or knew what I was saying. To hide my nervousness, I tried to lighten the situation by making a couple of funny remarks, but failed miserably. Soon I was at the end of the introduction and couldn't think of anything more to say.

  I was relieved when the group's focus finally moved on to the next pair of introductions. Glancing at Patricia, I found her staring at me with wide glistening eyes, a bewildered smile on her face. Finally, lowering her eyes, she shyly looked away.

  Introductions concluded, we spent the rest of the evening chatting with other members of the group, talking at length about other programs and experiences. Throughout the many conversations, my thoughts often returned to the rush I had felt upon first touching Patricia's hand and looking into her eyes. I had never experienced anything like it before, and didn't know what to make of it. She must have felt something too, I thought. The look on her face, the way she introduced me, the things she said.

  As the evening wore on, Patricia and I occasionally found ourselves in idle, if not uncomfortable, conversation. I was becoming certain that she had also felt something unusual, but I was too afraid to even talk about it. Finally, along with everyone else, we said our good nights and headed off to bed.

  The next morning, I awoke eager to get into the program. Of the various seminars I had attended at the Institute, “Guidelines” had been my favorite. It was during Guidelines that I had first met Meldor, and I was desperate to reestablish our connection.

  It came as no surprise to me when the first sessions yielded little in the way of experience or insight. I had come to expect it. Whether it was jetlag or just my need to unwind and relax, it proved a pretty normal start to the week. I spent most of my time either sleeping or staring into the darkness of my CHEC unit. It didn't matter to me. I was thrilled just to be back in peaceful surroundings.

  Although I tried to put the introduction experience with Patricia out of my mind, it was easier said than done. Whenever I saw her between sessions, I would feel a strange vibration in my chest. Occasionally during the group discussions, I could sense her energy and when I looked up I would find her staring at me. Without realizing it, I often found myself doing the same thing. Something about her was so compelling it attracted me like a magnet.

  Later that evening, I was relaxing at a picnic table in the yard, when I spotted her timidly approaching. Following an exchange of pleasantries, I invited her to sit and chat. It turned out to be a lengthy conversation that would have a profound effect on my life.

  Patricia acknowledged that she too felt a strange sensation when she first saw me. It became even more intense when she touched my hand or looked into my eyes. She felt as if she had somehow known me before. I suggested that it was perhaps from another lifetime. She countered that she really wasn't sold on reincarnation, but had no explanation for the familiarity we both felt.

  Although Patricia had grown up in the mountains and I on the prairies, our experiences and values were strikingly similar. She too had endured a difficult upbringing. Her mother had died while she was still very young, and she and her little brother had been raised by their father. Actually, if the truth were known, the raising of her brother had been Patricia's responsibility. No time to play or to just be a kid, there was only hard work and responsibility. In addition to looking after the house and her brother, she could not remember a time when she didn't have to work in her father's small lumber mill.

  As Patricia talked about her childhood, so deeply did I identify with her feelings and emotions that I often felt a lump in my throat and a burning sensation in my eyes. Like me, Patricia had grown up with a constant yearning for something better. Other than attending school, she was rarely able to get away from home and, as a result, had very few childhood friends. At an early age she developed a great love for reading. But beyond schoolbooks, the only other reading material in her house was a set of 1937 encyclopedias and a Bible. She had read them all from cover to cover, voraciously consuming the knowledge they offered. When she turned 18, Patricia left the mill and the mountain, and never looked back.

  As I listened to her story, my heart went out to her. It brought back a flood of my own childhood memories. I thought that I had had it tough, but I couldn't even imagine how hard it would be to grow up without a mother. It was apparent that, like me, Patricia had also learned to place a strong wall around her heart to keep from getting hurt.

  Patricia confided that in the past couple of years, she had also been feeling listless and disconnected. There was something missing in her life. She loved to spend time at night looking into the starlit sky and she too felt a yearning and loneliness that plagued her.

  As we continued to chat about everything from world affairs to the stock market, I became more amazed at her insight and intuition. She was without question one of the most intelligent and knowledgeable people I had ever met, Extremely well read, she seemed to have developed a near photographic memory.

  Engrossed as we were in our conversation, the hours flew by. Finally, after midnight, we bid each other good night and headed off to bed. Sleep, however, did not come easily. I had become utterly intrigued by the connection I felt with this sweet, quiet soul. In all my life I had never felt such an extraordinary attraction, and I was unsure of how to deal with it. Finally, after what seemed like hours of tossing and turning, mercifully I fell asleep.

  The next day, although suffering from lack of rest, I sensed a huge improvement in my psychic energy. The vibration within my body was steadily increasing as I became more relaxed. By midmorning, as we began the second session of the day, I felt confident that I was moving closer to a meaningful experience. I looked forward to finding answers to my questions about Meldor, but I could not have anticipated the strange encounter I was about to have.

  As the Hemi-Sync signals lulled me into a deep altered state, I settled into my breathing rhythm, prayed for help, and mentally projected my questions into the ether. I asked if my feeling that Meldor was no longer with me was correct. I asked if new s
pirit guides had taken his place. And finally, I asked that if I did have new guides, they present themselves to me as soon as possible. I desperately needed to know.

  Within seconds of sending out these thoughts, I felt a shift in vibration, and almost immediately the form of a male spirit appeared. He seemed to be about 40 feet away, and although he looked familiar, at that distance I couldn't get a clear picture of his face. Thanking the spirit for answering my call, I asked him to come closer. In one quick movement, he drew to within four feet of me and stopped.

  I couldn't believe my eyes! The face staring back at me was my own! The spirit was me, or at least a good duplicate of me. For several moments, I stared at his features. It was as if I was looking into a mirror. The problem was that the person in the mirror was moving and acting independently of me. I began to wonder if this was just some mischievous spirit playing tricks on me. Picking up my thoughts, the other me looked directly into my eyes, smiled, and slowly shook his head in reply. I was about to ask who he was and what this was all about, when he abruptly vanished.

  Talk about being confused. This was hardly an answer to my questions. Try as I may, I could not get the spirit to return or provide any other insights or answers. I became so perplexed I ended up breaking out of my trance. Moments later I was back to normal consciousness.

  I didn't know what to make of this strange occurrence. Was this a message showing me that, I, myself, was the only one responsible for my guidance? Could this entity have been some aspect of my higher self, or did it mean that the answers I sought were actually within myself? For the life of me, I couldn't figure out what this was all supposed to mean.

  On the fourth day of the program I could feel my vibrations increasing steadily throughout the morning sessions, but I was still falling asleep. There always seemed to be a lot of activity going on around me. I could feel subtle changes in vibration, but I just couldn't break through the veil.

  Soon after the start of the first afternoon session I had fallen asleep yet again, when unexpectedly, I found myself jerking back into full awareness. To my surprise, I was locked in the grip of a wildly fluctuating vibration. My body tingled from head to toe as wave after wave of energy coursed through me. I began to sense a powerful presence, the unmistakable feeling that I was not alone.

  I opened my eyes to a dazzling display of multicolored lights. Shimmering waves of blue and violet energy swirled around my body. I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't want it to stop; the vibration and feeling it created in me were exquisite. Every molecule of my body felt electrically supercharged.

  Then I noticed them. At first, only a fleeting glimpse of a hand and arm moving in a circular motion above me became visible. But when I focused my attention, through the swirling haze I could make out the form of a woman. Although it was difficult to get a good look at her through the energy field, she appeared to be a rather petite lady in her early thirties. Her light blonde hair was swept back over her shoulders, seemingly blending into the material of her loose-fitting ivory-colored robe.

  As the energy waves and swirling light continued, I became aware of another pair of hands, and then another. At the foot of the bed was a male form, and on my left, another female. I tried to get a better look at them, but the energy field was so thick, they were difficult to see. From what I could tell, the male and the second female were also wearing light-colored robes, but both had hoods drawn over their heads, partially concealing their features.

  All three were busy with some sort of energy work. Their hands slowly circling at various distances above me, they seemed to be smoothing and shaping my aura while at the same time supercharging the energy in my body. Like strong electromagnetic fields sweeping in different directions, I could feel their power as each pair of hands moved over me. Every movement seemed to set off a new wave of energy crashing into the next, sending strong electrical currents spinning throughout my physical form. No words were spoken, and no messages were received. I simply lay quietly, relishing the wonderful feelings of warmth and love that permeated me.

  Ever so slowly the urge to sleep began to overtake me. For some reason, even with the energy gyrations going on around me, I was having difficulty staying awake. In the presence of these three loving souls, completely safe and relaxed, I finally stopped resisting, allowing the energy to carry me into a deep sleep.

  When I awoke, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. But, I also felt a strange and haunting sadness. I was experiencing a sensation that could only be described as homesickness.

  When I walked into the debriefing room, Patricia immediately noticed something different about me. Letting out a breath, she exclaimed, “Wow! What on earth happened to you? You should see your eyes.”

  “I'm not really sure,” I smiled weakly, shrugging. “I think I might have just met some new guides.”

  Without taking her eyes off mine, Patricia reached out to give my hand a reassuring squeeze. As our fingers touched, I felt again that surprising flood of energy that jolted me when we first met.

  Without saying a word, I placed my other hand over hers, and closing my eyes, I stood still, quietly absorbing her energy. A feeling of peace and tranquility came over me. I could practically feel my brain producing a flood of endorphins, soothing and relaxing. Mesmerized, I didn't want to let go, but I began to sense other people moving around us. With a sigh, I opened my eyes. Patricia stood in front of me, her eyes closed, eyelids twitching rapidly as if in a dream state.

  Other people had begun filtering into the room for the debriefing. I cleared my throat to get Patricia's attention. Startled, she opened her eyes and stepped back, a puzzled look on her face. “Thank you!” She whispered and, as if slightly embarrassed, moved away, taking her place on the soft carpet.

  While the other participants shared their experiences, I was practically oblivious to my surroundings. Absorbed in my own thoughts, I shifted back and forth between the experiences of the last session and the strange energy I felt whenever I was near Patricia. There was a lot to think about.

  It wasn't long into the next session before I found myself clicking in and out of awareness. At some point, I felt a slight movement and knew I was about to separate from the physical. Prepared for the inevitable surge of vibration that usually precipitated my launch into the spirit world, I was surprised when nothing happened. Instead, my body began gently rocking from side to side. Within moments, I again sensed the presence of other beings in my room. Opening my eyes, I was greeted by the same three spirits from the last session. They were already at work sending energy through my body.

  Visually, all three spirits appeared unchanged. But the energies they projected seemed more pronounced. As their hands passed rhythmically over me, their energy and vibration became more intense. Shimmering blue, green, and violet waves rolled through me, growing in power and magnitude, electrifying my body. Soon the energy flow expanded to such intensity that it enveloped all three spirits in one continuous field. Their combined radiance flooded the room and permeated every part of me. Vibrating into my body and soul, it filled me with incredible feelings of love.

  Determined not to fall asleep again, I reached out with my senses to draw in any impressions I could get from the trio. Soon, myriad thoughts and images percolated into my mind. Scenes of gut-wrenching emotional pain began to surface; scenes of longing, rejection, and unrequited love. There was something so familiar about them: they felt more like memories. And then it dawned on me. They were indeed memories, memories of my own past lives, previous heartaches, past hurts. The message became startlingly clear. My fear of rejection, and the compulsion to put walls around my heart had a much longer history than this present life. I had spent previous lives literally afraid to fall in love.

  To protect myself from hurt, I had long ago closed off my heart to deep and total love. I would not allow myself to risk again the possible pain and helplessness that love could bring. But now I felt the error of living in a shell. I understoo
d that unless we open up our hearts to love, we will never know what it's like to truly live. To know the pain of a broken heart, however intense, is far better than never having loved at all. Having our hearts broken time and time again is still better than putting up walls to keep our love in, and others out. This, I somehow knew, was one of the main reasons we were here, to know and experience love.

  The spirits' thoughts continued to flow through my mind. Nothing in our physical dimension is of any consequence or lasting reality. The only enduring reality is love. To live without opening our hearts denies the most beautiful and enabling aspect of the human experience.

  Feeling the awesome power and compassion of these three wonderful beings, I began to sense a history of our companionship. It seemed like I had known them for a very long time, but couldn't place the context of our relationship. Were they angels? Spirit guides? Was there a difference between the two? I didn't know.

  Raw with emotion, I thought about how much I missed Meldor. Why hadn't I been able to see or feel his presence for such a long time? Had I been too engrossed in the physical world? Or had he completed his task and moved on? Were these radiant beings my new guardians? If they were, why hadn't I seen them before? Recalling the pain of loss and abandonment and praying for an answer, I projected these thoughts into the room.

  Almost instantly, it seemed as if the air pressure in my CHEC unit plummeted. I could feel my eardrums reacting like I was in a descending airplane. The shimmering waves of energy slowed and began to change, coalescing into a beautiful golden light, enveloping me with love and warmth. Radiating a powerful feminine aura, the sound of a woman's soft whispered voice filled my mind.